dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize