if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
