i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
