Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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