I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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