my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just googled if crying burns calories
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize