Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
