After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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