I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
