Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
