Your dad touched me again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
