This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
