if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
