have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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