What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
