That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
