please come you make the beer taste better
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
