where am i from again
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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