that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
