well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize