And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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