Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
