That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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