Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
