I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
