A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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