I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
