I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
