you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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