Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
