shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
