just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
