yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
