I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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