drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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