Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Welp...herpes.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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