A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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