so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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