If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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