Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
