I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
