Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
