Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
