Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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