I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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