sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
