Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
