i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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