Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
