before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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