Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
