im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
