Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
