New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
