Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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