i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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