she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
