remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
