what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
