She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
