Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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