You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
