Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
