So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
